My Last Words - Ajahn Prawit
Voice you are hearing right now is a dead man’s voice. Don’t be panic! It’s been recorded before I passed away to thank and to give everyone who’s attending at my funeral an aspect of dying.
I believed that my death may have been mourned by my relatives, my co-religionists. It may not be that much but to comfort everyone who feels their losses and giving them an advise for those who shall lose their love ones in the future, I’d like to say some religion discourses to you such as
In 2006, I remained in Hadyaisitaraam monastery at Songkhla province during rainey season. A few days after the end of Buddhist lent day, there was a man who was shot dead nearby the monastery. While I was looking at the corpse, all the sudden something came up in my head
1.Dead man didn’t suffer at all eventhough he was shot in the head three times. Eventhough, he lied down on the ground without any mats, pillows or blankets. Eventhough, he was laid eyes on by monks, polices and villagers around hundreds of them. Even if the body was left like that, he wouldn’t be suffered from flies or maggots at all. That means he didn’t feel any suffering whatsoever, so why are we feeling sorry for him? This was the first thought that came into my head while I was staring at the corpse. So, I’d like to say to you all that right now I’m not suffering also. All the suffers in the world such as suffers from hunger, thirst, cold or hot weather, illness, suffers from trying to gain more money, keeping it or even losing it. Suffers from any fears or other distresses, right now I have none of them. Therefore, all of you should congratulate with me right? Likewise, in other cases, everyone shouldn’t be distressed from passing away of your love ones also.
My second thought had happened while I was staring at the corpse, I was thinking that his death may have been mourned by his love ones, shedding their tears for his death. Although, none of the others cried for him because nobody knew him but his relatives were definitely going to have their hearts broken especially knowing that their love ones was shot to death.
I was thinking about the others who are still alive. If the person is dead, his love ones must have cried their hearts out too. So, I was thinking of myself, likewise if I’m dead, my mother and father, my sister and other relatives must certainly have lost their tears for my death also.
With these thoughts made me think further that even if we live and die without causing anyone’s tears will be considered living supreme lives.
I used to think when I was a novice that I didn’t want to cause anyone’s suffering. I didn’t want to be anyone’s burden and I didn’t want anyone to be my burden also. If I could have predicted the day I die, I would have died in the wood or cave which no one could have found me but unfortunately I hadn’t received that special gift yet.
From what I’m saying shows that I didn’t want anyone to lose their tears for me. Now I’m dead and it’s your burden to arrange the funeral for me.
As I said about my opinion that if we live and die without causing anyone’s tears will consider to be fantastic, so you guys please kindly give me that honorable life which I deserved.
My third thought, while I was at the crime scene, I was thinking that what if the dead one could have spoken his last words, it would have been not to be sorry for him. In fact that, anyone who loves and cares for each other doesn’t want his or her love lovers to suffer especially he’s the cause of it.
When I was young I used to swim in a canal, diving into a rock and got scratched on my forehead. I was bleeding when I got home. My mom was frightened when she saw me, rushing to see the wound and asked me what happened. She took care of it so I felt minorly injured but when I saw her worried, I didn’t feel good at all. Although, my forehead wasn’t that bad, why did she still suffer for me? But I came to understand that’s because my mom loved and cared about me.
When I became a novice, I once went back home. Before I left, my dad came to sit and chat with me. He wanted to give me some money for bus fares and for the time of sickness but I refused. He kept telling me to take it, I still insisted. Then, I noticed that my dad’s eyes started to turn red, tears were coming out. I knew he worried about me a lot so I said something to comfort him that it’s ok not to have any money. I could ask for a ride, if not I was just going to walk but they allowed me to go with them so far. My dad hadn’t said another one word. After this incident, I didn’t feel so good also because knowing that my dad had the same feeling as me concerning my refusal to take the money.
I gave this second incident to support my point of view that love ones doesn’t want the others to suffer especially he or she’s the cause of it. I believed you all must have had the same experience to support my point of view also.
I personally give my best regards to all of you, not to see you all suffer. If my death has made you all mourned and suffered, I would have felt uncomfortable also. Do you want me to suffer from you suffering?
My fourth thought, I felt that lying corpse was the garbage whose he was left behind. How can a corpse become garbage? All of you think about it.
Being a garbage didn’t come from the start but it’s the effect from a changed valuable thing which was worn down by time until its value had vanished. Then, it started from that point on.
How’d flowers look after seven days you guys have bought to worship Buddha’s image?
When you had your favorite meal, why’d you still need to go to toilet? Fancy clothes you’ve bought five or ten years ago, do you still wear them?
Beautiful bride who’s so hard to get, saving money thousands and thousands were spent on marriage, finally they’re divorced. Don’t these incidents happen everywhere?
Very expensive cars or not will finally be a piece of junk, etc.
This example shows that time changes precious things into disgusted rubbish at the end.
People’s life doesn’t make much difference although life is the most precious thing for everyone. Feeding and taking care of them the best we could but when life gets old, young and soft skins of ours become withered, eyes that used to see things clearly become blurred or even blind at last. Body strength become weakened, people who used to walk fine has to walk with a cane. Bright and smart brains become slow and rusty. Every decayed parts are ready to cause some damage for their owners any moment, or caused by any accidents, deceases like AIDS or cancer, precious life of ours become garbage that’s waiting to be disposed. In the moment of death began when the owner had decided to abandon their lives, what‘s left was just a corpse like a piece of stiff wood.
Right now my life has become a piece of garbage so I dumped it like you all see at the moment. Therefore, you shouldn’t be mourning of my death. Instead, you all ought to be delighted that I could finally dump this disgusting garbage. From now on, it’s your burden to dispose this pile of junk for me.
This was my feelings happened while I was staring at the corpse, so I’d like conclude them once more, such as
First feeling: Dead people didn’t suffer so why are we suffering for them? Now, I’m dead who’s feeling the same as those corpses, so why will you all be suffering for me then?
Second feeling: If we live and die without causing anyone’s tears will consider to be living supreme lives, so you all please kindly give me that superb life that I deserved.
My third feeling: Dead people didn’t want his love ones to be suffering for him, including me also.
My fourth feeling: Corpse is a piece of junk which was dumped by the owner, and I did exactly the same with this junk. So, why’s everyone going to be suffering for a piece of junk?
I still have many things to say to you all, please hang on and keep paying attention.
I felt that I wasn’t going to have a long life, actually I didn’t want it because knowing that long life people usually gets weak, having illness take over, depending on others all the time which I wanted none of those. In a matter of having a short life or long one, I’ve had an opinion I’d like to share with all of you.
Normally when people see someone dies young, they feel sad for the shorty life that could have reached 60 or 70 years old. When they see someone who dies at the age of almost hundred years old, they’re delightful of living a long life and wanted to live that long too. This’s what most people think.
But for The Arahant monk who has no pleasure in life, there’s not much difference between dying young or living a long life because his mind has no pleasure or sorrow in life that’s why.
People needs to live longer without knowing that it means suffering longer too.
In contrast, dying young is considered short suffering. For those who has great wisdom, seeing the truth and out of pleasure in life, dying young is actually better than living a long life because being able to finally leave the burden which is this pile of garbage if living longer means heavier burden.
It’s like two people carries 50 kilos of something, a person carry it for 50 meters and drop it, the other carry it for 100 meters then drop it, who is heavier and more tired?
Likewise, dying at young age better than living a long life, isn’t it?
After you guys have heard this message, you may have an opposite point of view. I’m also considering it, please look at the benefit of message I mentioned before.
I used to regret that many masters have passed away with just 50-60 years of age, if they had gone 80 or 90 years old, they would have done much more good then, but after I thought it over, I came to understanding then.
Today I may have died young, you all may feel regret for me. If being so, please consider the message I said before more often and you’ll leave that sadness and not feeling hurt for yourself if you must have died at a young age also.
I didn’t know what’s the cause of my death, where and when to die. How I would look when I die. So, I always prepared to die and no matter how I die, It would always have been appropriated.
If you saw me die in an unpleasant pity way, how would you all feel? Grieved, disgusted, pity, laugh at or what? No matter how you feel, do not concern me at all. It’s your responsibility for your own feeling.
I’d like to tell all of you that
Once I was out for alms-gathering, I saw a dog lying dead on the side of the road, from dying fresh until skin got swollen, maggots were everywhere and started to smell very bad. I asked myself if I must die like this stray dog, how would I feel?
It might have been uglier, my feeling answered.
I asked myself further that lying in a gorgeous coffin, having an honorable funeral or drop dead like a stray dog, what difference does it make?
lying dead on the side of the road, rotten. It looked indecent, a feeling answered once more.
Did dead people indecent? Or that’s how living ones felt. A feeling questioned.
So, I gave myself an opinion that
Therefore, dead people didn’t suffer no matter where He’s dead or how. Being so, how did stray dog die make any difference?
Then, I’d like to tell you that no matter what condition I’d have died in, I wouldn’t have held it to suffer myself, and why have you?
Please, everyone be listened further.
In order for us to have a person be with us as long as it takes, that’s because we’re selfish. We’re happy to be with him, not seeing him left because we won’t be happy anymore if he did. So, being with that person as long as it takes is considered selfishness.
We’re got to look at another angle, it’s that person’s angle not ours, we’ll find out that sometimes that person wanted to leave us in order for him to be more happy without us, or sometimes he’s still care about us, and didn’t want to leave us also but knowing that when he left us, he’ll meet a new thing which was going to make him be much happier than before, so he’s got to leave us no matter what. We must understand that leaving us makes him happier so why should we contain him for? We ought to let him go his way, don’t we?
Loving him isn’t supposed to only makes us happy but It means making him happy too. Today when he’s going to be more delighted leaving us to find a better thing, we should congratulate him, don’t we?
Relationship of people’s always got to have passion one way or the other, mom and dad love their kid, kid loves mom and dad, husband loves his wife, brother and sister, close friends love each other, when someone we love is passed away, we must try to see it according to what I said before, suffering from losing someone will be decreased.
Today I left all of you on the way I supposed to go, you guys please have got to join together to congratulate me.
Once I’d thought of my mom, how’s she doing at the moment? And thought that my mom must have been fine. Otherwise, if she’s sick, someone would have given me a call because she that’s all I need to know. Before this I didn’t think of my mom even she’s still alive but I didn’t recognize of her existence. Being alive is like being dead to me because I didn’t think of her, I wasn’t happy or suffered of her at all while I hadn’t thought of her but when I had and I knew it for sure that she’s still alive, I’d be pleased.
So, my point of view was
Being alive or being a part of one thing didn’t make us suffer as long as we didn’t recognize of it.
But when we’ve thought or recognize of its existence or apart, then makes us happy or suffer more or less depending on how much passion we had for that thing and how much we could understand and handle the truth.
I felt that no matter what my mom’s still alive or not, if I had thought of her even she’s dead, she’s still alive to me because my mom’s been in my heart. In contrast, if I didn’t think of her even if she’s still alive, she’d have been dead to me anyway. Because we haven’t known and not suffering of her existence at all. From this story, I’d like to tell you all that today I’m dead to you but that’s not important, I would still be in your heart if you think of me even you won’t be able to see my face anymore.
In case which other are your love ones have died from you, you should do the same by missing them and they’ll be in your heart.
Once I went to stay at khao rungnok chalermprakiet monastic residence at Phuket province during Buddhist lent day season where I really liked it, when I was on the way back to khao sanamchai monastery, Huahin where I became a monk, I asked myself while I was sitting in the bus from Phuket
If I wasn’t be able to come back to Phuket, how’d I feel?
The answer was
Never mind, even I must leave Phuket without coming back but I’m on my way to Huahin where I prefered, plus I’ve been in Phuket many times, I won’t be sorry if I can’t come back no more.
Next time, I might be able to find a place where I’ve never been to which may be more beautiful than Phuket, who knows.
From these questions and answers on my thought makes me understand that losing something’s never suffering us at all if we haven’t mourned for that thing or equally having other stuff waiting for us. We’re willing to be pleased to leave for a better thing.
Today I died from this world without feeling any mourns. Anyway I might be able to born again in this world or born in a better place than this world.
Therefore, I wanted to tell you all not to be mourned for my death and when you must die won’t feel any sorry for this world by having all your hearts for a better place.
That’s all I wanted to say to all of you for right now.